Before I Die
by PratClotpoleDollopHeadQueen
Summary: Merlin is injured and in what he believes may be his final moments, he tells Arthur about his magic. Angst ensues ;) It will probably make more sense once you read it...maybe? I don't know :) but I hope you'll give it a chance ;) Only rated T because I'm nervous. Disclaimer: I Don't Own Merlin! No Slash :)
1. Author's Corrections

Hello Everyone! I realized that I posted the first chapter to the wrong fic! I know it doesn't make much of a difference, but it does to me, because the summary and the first chapter don't make any sense...lol...like I said I haven't posted anything in a while. Bear with me! I'll have the new chapter posted soon! Thanks! :)


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello All! Here's the real first chapter for this fic! I'll probably only make it a few chapters long, but I am coming out with a longer multi-chapter fic soon, so keep an eye out for it! :) Enjoy!**

"Merlin!" Arthur barged into the physician's chamber fuming. It was late morning and he was not happy that a particular manservant was not up yet. Arthur stormed past Gaius and into said manservant's room. He ferociously snatched the covers from off of Merlin and threw them to the floor triumphantly.

Merlin groaned "Five more minutes Gaius…" he rolled over onto his stomach and continued snoring and reached for his blanket…only to find it was MIA. Merlin sat up in his bed and groggily began searching for his blanket with his eyes half open.

Arthur held up said blanket and cleared his throat.

Merlin looked over at him with eyes still only half open. "Gaius? Did you lose weight?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and drawled "No _Mer_ lin, but you'll be losing your job if you don't get out of bed!" Arthur was furious "I was supposed to be at a council meeting two hours ago, but you were too busy sleeping to wake me up!"

"Arthur!" Merlin finally realized who it was standing at the foot of his bed, yelling at him.

"No, you idiot, I'm Gaius" Arthur leaned over Merlin's bed, then turned on his heel and stormed out of Merlin's room…not without slamming the door.

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Merlin eventually made it to Arthur's chambers to complete his duties for the day, but it seemed that Arthur had other plans.

Merlin walked into the King's chambers to find him grinning and tapping his fingers on his table rhythmically. Arthur continued to grin cruelly as he thought of how Merlin would respond to his plans for their day…and their week. Arthur could only imagine he would not be pleased…but then Arthur hadn't been pleased that morning to find that he missed a council meeting because Merlin never woke him up. What goes around comes around, Arthur supposed innocently.

"Ah. Merlin. There you are, _finally_ " Arthur kept grinning "I was beginning to think that you had fallen asleep yet again, but here you are"

Merlin feigned a smile "Here I am, sire. Ready and raring to go"

"That's wonderful, Merlin. Really I am pleased. Have you packed?"

"Packed?" Merlin inwardly panicked and began searching his memory for anything that Arthur mentioned that morning or in the past days that would include packing…or hunting…oh gods no. Merlin sincerely hoped that they were not going on another pointless hunting trip.

"Yes, packed. Have you? Wouldn't want you to forget about the week long hunting trip we'll be taking Merlin. Just you, me, and a few of the knights. You might want to get on that quickly. We've planned to leave in an hour, and I wouldn't want you to miss it. After all, I know that it's your favorite pastime," Arthur smiled cruelly again. Today was going to be a good day, he decided.

Merlin groaned "Another hunting trip? You're going to kill all of the animals before they have the chance to repopulate! Seriously Arthur, what is the point of a hunting trip? I'm sure you could go hit a practice dummy instead, but living breathing animals?"

"No, Merlin. I can't just go _hit a practice dummy._ It's not the same."

"But you kill rabbits! Fluffy tails should roam free! They're not doing any harm, and rabbits aren't even that good to eat. There's no point in killing them," Merlin crossed his arms and pouted.

Arthur conceded on that point "Alright then. Fine. I won't kill any rabbits on this hunting trip. I swear to you Merlin. Cross my heart and hope to die. Are you satisfied now?"

Merlin nodded and said nothing more before going to get started on his packing.

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Merlin met Arthur, Gwaine, and Percival in the courtyard, along with Elyan and Leon. They were all talking jovially with one another and were clearly more excited than Merlin about this trip.

Gwaine was the first to speak up after they left on their little journey "Why the long face, Merlin?"

"What long face? I haven't got a long face. See? I'm perfectly happy!" Merlin tried to convince him with a faked smile, but Gwaine didn't buy it.

"I told you there would be no rabbits killed this time Merlin. Doesn't that satisfy you?" Arthur poked.

"Oh, come off it, Arthur. You know you didn't mean it," Merlin grinned.

Arthur feigned a hurt pride " _Mer_ lin! On my honor there will be no rabbits harmed. Those little bunnies that you seem so fond of will live to see tomorrow."

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They rode on for a while longer, not stopping until they got deep into some forest. Merlin hadn't been paying attention, so he didn't really remember where they were. All he knew was that he was hungry, and they hadn't killed anything yet, so he couldn't eat. He didn't want to say anything, for fear of Arthur's teasing, but he thought rabbit…or any meat really…sounded pretty good right about now.

However, Gwaine was not afraid of anyone's judgement or teasing, as we have seen time and again. He continually complained "I'm hungry! Can we stop? I'm tired! I'm going to pass out if we don't stop soon!"

"Gwaine!" Elyan finally erupted and turned to face Gwaine "Shut up! Everybody here is tired and hungry, but we're not complaining like two year olds, are we? So shut up and stay quiet!" He turned back around on his horse to face forward and sped up to be next to Leon.

On top of everything that was happening, it began to rain. Only moment before, the sunlight had been streaming through the trees and onto the ground below. It had been an almost perfect day, until it began to rain. It didn't rain for very long before it got harder and harder and finally even Arthur agreed to stop for the evening and wait out the storm. The only problem was that they were so distracted by the rain, that they didn't even realize who was watching them.

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In the early hours of the morning, Merlin was on watch. He thought he heard something rustling in the bushes but he didn't want to wake the others for nothing. He checked it out and it was only a squirrel. Several more times, the same thing happened, or he would think he saw something move, but it turned out only to be wind.

The storm had passed fairly quickly, but they had already settled in, and Arthur hadn't wanted to ride through the night anyway.

Merlin had been woken by Leon who gently shook him awake only a few moments ago. Obviously, Merlin wasn't happy about being woken up in the early hours of the morning, but someone had to keep watch over the camp. He figured he couldn't screw things up too badly. He was only standing guard for a few hours until he woke up Percival. Oh how wrong he was.

Merlin gasped as someone grabbed his shirt from behind and put a knife to his throat. He felt disgustingly warm breath against his neck, the coolness of the knife, and smelled the man's foul stench. A gravely, rough voice whispers in Merlin's ear, "If you so much as move, I'll slit your throat."

 **A/N: How was it? I hope you liked it! Feedback is always welcome :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been a while and this was supposed to be a quick two-shot *Laughs nervously* but I usually have a ton of homework and sometimes I like to convince myself that it would be okay to write a fanfic during the school year...usually it doesn't work out. Haha. Don't worry though, this is the last chapter so I haven't written you all a novel to read. Enjoy and please review!**

Merlin used his magic to burn the handle of the knife, causing the bandit holding Merlin to drop the knife and release Merlin. He made a break for it, towards Arthur. He had to protect his prince.

Merlin shouted as loud as he could, "Arthur! Arthur, run! Gwaine! Elyan! Perci-"

Merlin ate dirt as the man who had just had him at knife point grabbed him again and tackled him to the ground. Merlin struggled, but didn't dare use magic, as he was sure that his cries had woken at least one of the knights, even if they were heavy sleepers.

The gravely voiced man growled in Merlin's ear "I hope that was worth it. I hope your attempt at escape was worth your king's life…and your own." The man plunged a knife into Merlin's side, and Merlin's eyes grew wide with shock and fear. He tried to  
remember a healing spell Gaius once told him about, but he couldn't remember. He was struggling for breath and he thought he was going to die alone in the woods. Merlin was disappointed most of all, because he had failed Arthur. Merlin wouldn't be  
there to protect him anymore, and he was afraid for the future of Albion.

 _Speak of the devil,_ Merlin thought when he saw blurry red forms racing towards him. Merlin's hand was still on his side, which was now covered with blood, along with his shirt which was now ruined. He hissed as he moved his hand from his abdomen  
and pain rippled throughout his torso. His legs ached and tingled, despite the wound being on his upper body, and Merlin knew that he had lost too much blood.

"Dear God, Merlin. What happened?"

"Mate, who did this to you? Where's the bastard?"

Merlin could distinguish between the different voices and threats towards whoever had injured him, despite his blurry vision, which Merlin had guessed wasn't a good thing.

Arthur took off his cape and bunched it up to staunch the bleeding, although he wasn't confident that this wasn't a fatal wound. He was worried for his servant…no, friend. Arthur was determined to do whatever it took to heal Merlin, even if it meant magic.

"Merlin you're going to be all right. You'll be fine. You'll be polishing my armor in no time" Arthur was rambling, not wanting to face the fact that Merlin would most likely not make it through the next few hours.

Merlin placed his hand on Arthur's and spoke with effort "Arthur, I want you to know, that I am happy…to have served you. It was an honor."

"Merlin-"

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut "No, please. Let me finish." He paused, waiting for a protest and, when he received none, continued. "I want you to know that everything I ever did was for the good of Camelot, but more importantly, you. I…" He paused again,  
reconsidering what he was just about to tell Arthur. He wondered if this was really the right time. _Well, it's not like you'll have much of another opportunity,_ He reasoned with himself. He began again, "I…have…to tell you something very important." _Man up and just do it, he can't kill you if you're already dying._ "I  
want to tell you this before I die, because I won't have much of a chance later, now will I?"

"Merlin you're not going to die, mate. We'll fix you up, and get you to Gaius. You'll be right as rain and-"

Merlin grabbed Gwaine's arm with both hands and told him "Gwaine, we both know that I haven't got long, so let me say my piece and then we can say goodbye, but I need to say this. I need you all to know."

He took several short breaths and began once more, "I have…magic" He struggled with the last word, as though there was a war inside of him and he wasn't sure if he liked the side that had won.

Everything was silent and Merlin was beginning to get nervous, but then he thought about the situation. He realized that things couldn't get much worse than they already were.

Arthur rubbed his face with his hand and stood up from his crouched position at Merlin's side.

"Arthur, I have only ever used it for you, and for Camelot. I only ever wanted your acceptance, but I knew that at every turn, when you began to accept magic, it only struck back because of your father's ignorance and cruelty to magic and its people.  
I was afraid that if I revealed myself I would be killed, I was afraid, Arthur and I am so sorry. I realize that I am just as awful as all of the other sorcerers who attacked you, you deceived you and I know I don't deserve clemency. I know that I  
am a coward for hiding my true nature. I know I am a coward for only revealing who I truly am at the eleventh hour. I am so sorry Arthur, but we can't help what we're born with,"

Merlin was struggling to breath after that lengthy speech to Arthur. He knew that he didn't have long now.

Arthur crouched down at Merlin's side and grabbed his hand. "You once said that you would be happy to be my servant until the day you died. I now realize that you served me better than any knight, any lord, or any manservant that has ever served me. I  
realize now that you were more loyal to me than anyone I have ever known, and although we will be separated soon," He paused and looked at the ground "I am glad to have known you, the real you, even if it wasn't for long."

"I'm glad to hear that sire." Merlin closed his eyes and rested his head on the forest floor. He was glad that Arthur had known him, even if only for a few moments before he died. "Andone more thing," He paused, his breaths becoming more shallow  
by the second "Just…don't be a prat." He breathed his last breath with a goofy grin on his face.

Arthur smiled as a tear slipped past the defenses. Merlin was finally at peace.

 **A/N: I know it's crap, lol, but I literally wrote this second chapter last night so it might not make any sense. I'm not really sure what it was supposed to be but it was kind of fun to write and that's all that matters, right? ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing and if you haven't already, go check out some of my other fics. I'm currently writing one called "Some Scars Never Fade" which is a reveal fic (in more than one way) and it has whump and torture and all that good stuff. If you enjoyed this even a little, you'll enjoy that one more ;) Sorry for rambling, but half of you won't read this anyway. Thank you if you did take the time, though ;) Thanks and have a blessed day!**


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